Secrets Protect
by farewelleleven
Summary: The Doctor visits his beloved Clara only to find out that she has been keeping a secret from him, and that secret breaks him.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Clara woke up to the sound of tree branches hitting her window; her face was hot and wet. She tossed in bed, twisting and turning she finally excepted that she wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon, she turned and glanced over to the clock on her dresser, it was _3:50 am_. Her light weight legs dropped to the floor and jumped back up a bit when they touched the icy wood floor.

She made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen to make her some tea; she began to think of the Doctor, her Doctor. She remembered the time they spend together in the TARDIS, how safe she felt with him and how her face got cherry red every time he looked up and smiled at her, she quickly pushed the thoughts of the Doctor aside. Her knees began to shake and seconds later she was down on her kitchen floor, unable to get up she crawled to the living room, she was too weak to pull herself up to the newly bought sofa so she stayed on the ground, she rested her head on the cold floor.

The Doctor ran around the console room with a huge grin on his face. He just got back from an alien flower festival and he got Clara a bouquet of beautiful baby blue lilies, he stopped running and looked in the mirror to fix his red bowtie. Soon the TARDIS was just around the corner from Clara's flat. He ran, almost tripping over his feet, he couldn't wait to see his beautiful Clara. The Doctor stopped in front of her door and knocked, she didn't answer and his grin disappeared a bit, she always opened the door within a few seconds, sometimes he didn't even get the chance to knock, '_maybe she didn't hear_' he thought to himself so he rang the door bell but still no one answered, his grin was now gone and his eyes sad old eyes got bigger and sadder, he pulled out his sonic screw driver and soniced the door handle, he opened the door and ran in sonicing everything then he saw her laying there on the cold hard wood floor

"Clara?..." he whispered to himself "Clara!" he dropped the flowers and ran to her, he dropped to his knees and picked up her weak body. He held it close to his, her head resting against his chest. Clara regained consciousness and pulled away from him, ashamed of how he found her, she tried to stand but she just fell back down, her knees hitting the floor hard.

"Clara here let me help."The Doctor took her into his arms once again, her head fell against his shoulder and she wrapped her arms around him. "Clara what's wrong?" He asked as he put her gently down on the sofa. Clara looked up at him as he put her down, her eyes started to water up as she looked at him, a single tear rolled down her cheek, he was so kind and caring, and she was hurting him. Clara forced a smile "Nothing Doctor, I just fell and hurt my foot" she lied. He knew she had lied and that hurt him more than anything, he wanted to be there and protect her but how can he if she lied to him about things like this. She noticed the sadness in his eyes which made her wish she never woke up the night before. "Now Doctor, bring me those beautiful flowers" she said as she spotted them laying on the ground, she pointed to the flowers and turned to him, she was smiling and he couldn't help but smile back. He went into the kitchen to get a vase for the flowers, looking around the kitchen he stopped when he spotted a cup with a tea bag in it

"Would you like some tea Clara?" he yelled from the kitchen

But there was no response, he set the flowers down on the counter next to the cup and walked over to Clara to make sure she's alright. "Clara..?" he said in a calm and quiet voice, but loudly enough for her to hear him. He found her on the sofa, where he left her, she must have passed out.

He sat beside her on the sofa and looked down at her, he leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead, she flinched and smiled still asleep, the Doctor placed his hand on her forehead, she was burning up. He stood up panicking; he took her in his arms and ran to the TARDIS. AS he ran he looked down at Clara still not conscious and called her name, "It's going to be okay Clara, I promise" once they were by the doors of the TARDIS he snapped his fingers and the doors opened. He ran in and put her down softly, he was going to do something that Clara might not understand or forgive, but he had to know what was wrong The Doctor scanned Clara. He looked up to see the results, his eyes got big and watery, he turned his hand into a fist, "Oh Clara, no" he looked down at her "Clara no!" his finger nails dug into his skin as he clenched his fist


	2. Shattered Heart

Chapter 2

His hearts beat became faster, the tears in his eyes became bigger, and he couldn't hold back his tears so he sobbed. It seemed like he had been crying for hours, his breath became short and his hands were shaking. He walked around the TARDIS with both his hands clenched into fists, he walked into his bedroom, there wasn't much in there, he kept it neat a few books on the floor but why keep them in his room when you have a library, next to his bed there was a dresser. He walked closer to his dresser, and opened the rusty drawer. He picked up a picture and held it; his knees became weak so he sat on his bed. He stroked the picture in his hands then brought it to his chest, he began whispering and crying. He cried for River, his love of his life that had passed away because of him. He cried out for his best friends, who were also taken from him, he could still see the Ponds around the TARDIS, and then he cried for Clara

"Clara... Clara you can't...you can't leave...you can't leave me, not now Clara please" his sobs became louder and his voice broke as he cried out to all of his lost and loved ones.

Clara opened her eyes, the TARDIS was too bright for her eyes and there was a breeze that was never there before, she was still too weak to walk but she did her best and stood up, holding on to the railings. She hear glass breaking and she jumped back a little

"Doctor?" her voice was gone and even though she screamed it came out a whisper that only she could hear

"Doctor!" she tried again, her voice grew a bit stronger, a bit louder but still not loud enough for him to hear her.

"Okay Clara, let's go find the Doctor..." she said to herself and began to take little steps toward the Doctor, or what she thought was him. She heard her name called softly behind her and when she turned around she found no one, Clara continued her way through the empty halls, she kept hearing bangs and shattering, at some point she heard something that sounded like a sob but she shook it off thinking that it was all in her head. Clara poked her head into the Doctors bedroom she gasped a little when she walked in.

The Doctors bed was flipped upside down, his books were scattered around with pages torn out, the large mirror which hung along the side of the window was shattered and his favorite bowtie was on the ground, it looked as if he had ripped it off his neck. The Doctor was sitting in the middle of this chaos with both his hands clenched into fists; one fist was covered in blood and in the other he was holding onto something.


	3. Confessions

Chapter 3

It was silence for a moment, it was so silent that you could hear the Doctors hearts beating; you could hear Clara's short and quick inhales. It seemed as if the world had stopped.

"Doctor what are you doing?" Clara broke the silence

He turned around and showed a weak little smile, a few tears made its way down his cheeks and made its way down his neck. His eyes were bloodshot and his skin was as pale as the white walls, his hair looked as if it was pulled on. His smile made Clara want to cry, she returned a little smile to him. She stood by the door way, one hand on the door and the other at her side, her bruised knees shook but it didn't matter, she had to be strong and she was.

"Redecorating" He turned away from her and walked over to pick up a lamp with beautiful designs and gallifreyan writing that made its way around the lamp, his arm along with the lamp rose up and went behind his head and with a slight throw the lamp flew across the room hitting the wall and shattered in to a million tiny pieces.

Clara watched as the lamp shattered and fell to the ground camouflaging itself with the rest of the mess. She watched as he picked something else up and held it up. She watched him slam it on the ground, bits and pieces flying everywhere. He walked around bent over to pick something else up. She had seen him when he was hurting, but he barely let it show, she had never seen him like this.

"Doctor Stop" she commanded, her fingers trembling, her whole body felt stiff and awkward as she stood in the doorway watching him.

The Doctor stopped and glanced back at her, he looked away to wipe his tears and sighed before turning to her.

"Clara…" he said walking toward her but not looking directly at her, he never wanted her to see him like this he didn't want to scare her. "Are you okay?" he asked as his muscles tightened.

"I'm fine Doctor" she confirmed as she tilted his chin up. She stepped closer to him and ran her fingers through his hair, a few glass pieces dropped to the ground, she felt his breath on her neck as she leaned in for a hug, he hugged back tightly wrapping his arms around her skinny waist. She looked at him as she pulled her head away, her big brown eyes met his bloodshot eyes, and she examined his old sad eyes. She looked down afraid that she was making this awkward for him, she always thought he could never love her in the way that she does. This time he tiled her chin up and leaned in closer to her, he paused once his forehead was resting on hers. His arms still wrapped around her waist and her arms hanging over his shoulders.

"Doctor why do you care so much?" she whispered to him then rested her head on his shoulder

"Because Clara… you're _my impossible girl_" he answered without hesitation. He pulled away and freed his hands; he placed them softly on Clara's cheeks and pulled her in for a soft unexpected kiss. Her knees stopped shaking and her body became warm at the thought of him loving her, but then became cold once again when she remembered.

Her forehead rested on his and she could hear him whisper slowly but clearly "Clara you need to tell me."

"Doctor you already know." there was a long pause

"Clara, _my_ Clara….. _My impossible girl_" his voice broke

"Clara I-" she cut him off

"Doctor I'm dying" she said as tears began to form in her eyes "One last adventure?" she smiled as her hot tears streamed down her face and looked up at him, he smiled weakly "Where too?"


	4. I'm sorry Clara

Chapter 4

The Doctor and Clara traveled in the TARDIS for as long as they could of course they had to work around Clara's chemo schedule; the Doctor always went with her, he always sat by her side trying to make her as comfortable as possible. Every day they were greeted by a young redheaded nurse "Hello Clara… Doctor" the nurses there always seemed so happy, why be happy in such a sad place?

He always brought a book with him, some days it would be a Romance or a Mystery, Clara always loved mystery novels. He would seek out an extra chair and pull it closer to hers, he sat down and leaned back flipping the old pages and putting on Amy's round glasses, her head rested on his shoulder as he read aloud to her, she held his hand tightly every single time and everyone around would stop and look over at them and smile a painful smile. Sometimes Clara fell asleep to the comforting voice of her Doctor but he still held her hand.

"Clara! Are you ready to go?" he yelled to her as he entered her flat

There was no answer and he ran up stairs worried sick that Clara had passed out or worse.

"Clara?!" he entered her bedroom as the bathroom door opened behind him. Clara walked out wiping her mouth "I'm right here Doctor and yes I'm ready" she replied. He spun around and sighed from relief "Oh Clara, don't scare me like that!" he pointed to her and walked to her grabbing her hand, leading the way downstairs.

"Okay Doctor so today I'm not going to chemo, my doctor asked to see me and I don't know if it's good or bad news" she told him as they walked down the stairs, he turned around "I'm your Doctor Clara" he winked; she chuckled then smiled at him. "Umm Doctor I'll be right back" she ran to the kitchen sink and began to gag; he ran behind her and held her hair. She turned on the sink water and sat down hugging her knees to her chest as she leaned against the sink drawers, the Doctor kneeled down, he extended his hands and placed them on hers and they sat on the kitchen floor hand in hand not saying a word.

"You know how you always ask me if I'm okay?" her voice sounded different, not sad nor angry but confused. He looked up at her not saying anything "and every time I say that I'm fine, but Doctor I'm not" she looked up at him, her bangs were in her eyes, her mascara just a tad smeared, he looked at her without saying anything, she continued "Every day I get out of bed and I feel weaker then I was before, I've been throwing up and…" she paused and looked in to the mirror just behind the Doctor " and my hair has been falling out, honestly Doctor I'm scared, I wake up every day wondering if I'm going to see tomorrow." She looked at him; he was looking down with his eyes shut, she stood up fixing her favorite blue dress and extended her hand out to him, he grabbed lightly and got up "Okay we are going to be late" she said as she pulled him behind her.

They walked through the pasty yellow halls, they were empty and they only sound was the clicking of Claras heels.

"What a bore" The Doctor whispered

"It's a hospital Doctor, what do you expect a clown? Or maybe a dalek" she responded sassily

"No no, clowns are creepy, and why a dale-"

Clara cut him off " okay Doctor we're here" she stopped in front of a grey door and knocked three time then scooted away from the door. "Yes yes come in" the man behind the door responded and Clara and the Doctor entered the room. The room was an office which belonged to _Doctor Keller_, Clara'sdoctor_._ It contained a few bookshelves and two chairs placed across from his desk.

"Ah Clara! Come in please" He stood up and greeted Clara then glanced over to the man that followed her in "Hello I'm the Doctor!" The Doctor greeted him like he did anyone. They walked over to the chairs and took a seat. "So doctor, why did you ask to see me? Has there been a change?" She spoke confidently waiting for the good news

Of course the Doctor wasn't paying any attention at the moment "Because I wanted to make sure your okay Clara" he responded to the question that wasn't meant for him, both Clara and Doctor Keller looked at him. "What?" he asked confused "Oh... sorry" he blushed

"Clara… I'm afraid I have bad news. You see the cancer has spread a while ago and we didn't catch it in time-"

Clara looked at him in disbelief, his words were mute and she just looked at him as he talked not hearing a word, she looked down and closed her eyes, she didn't want either of them to see her break down right now.

The Doctor looked at her and saw how damaged and hurt she looked, he let out a sharp gasp and took Claras hand and kissed it, he held it close to him and covered it with both of his hands

"How long does she have?" He interrupted Doctor Keller, he didn't look at him, he couldn't look at the man that could've prevented Clara's cancer, the man that caused too much hurt and heart ache.

"Umm well we aren't sure but-"

The Doctors fist pounded on his desk scaring the man. He looked him in the eyes and began talking loudly "First you didn't catch her cancer and now you can't even tell me how long I have left with her" he pounded on the desk again. Clara looked up at them with tears in her eyes, her hand touched the Doctors and pressed it gently, he looked back at her and she shook her head, "Clara lets go" he said as he helped her out of the chair and they walked to the door. Doctor Keller stood up "I'm really so-"he was interpreted by the Doctor again "Don't you even try" he hissed as he pointed at him, he slammed the door as they walked out.


	5. Where to Clara Oswald?

Chapter 5

The Doctor walked into Clara's flat and she followed closed the door behind her, she hear a screechy door open and turned around only to see an older lady, her skin was paper white and her dark curly hair was pulled back into a bun, she wore a black suit and a black eye patch covered one of her eyes

"You're almost ready my dear" her lips curled as she looked at Clara

"Ready for what? Who are you?" Clara stared at her being more confused than she ever was

"You'll see...Clara, now I think you might need to sit down your legs look a bit shaky dear" She smirked

Clara turned around to call the Doctor

"Yes Clara?" his head peeked out of the kitchen door

"Who's-" she turned around to face the eye patch lady but stopped talking when she saw that she was gone

"What is it Clara?" His voice became louder

"Nothing Doctor, Never mind" she replied confused, maybe she was seeing things, she pushed away the thoughts of the eye patch lady and walked over to the Doctor who was in the kitchen making tea.

Clara sat down and watched as the Doctor ran around opening cabinets, jumping from one place to another

"Clara you know we can try another way to help you, not Earth medicine" he said from behind her as he ran around the kitchen.

"No Doctor, I already accepted whatever is going to happen" she said calmly not wanting him to think she didn't want his help

"But Clara I can help! You don't have to suffer!" he defended his idea

"Doctor, I just want to spend whatever is left of my life not being treated or talking about death, I don't want you to look at me and only see a cancer patient that you need to help. I know you want to help but I want to spent my last moments in the TARDIS... with you, not in a hospital bed no matter where it is" Clara voice rose a bit and her eyes followed his every move.

He handed Clara the hot tea and leaned on the counter

"Why didn't you tell me sooner about how sick you were?" He watched Clara squirmed in her chair uncomfortable with his question.

"Because… because then you wouldn't treat me the same, you would treat me like I'm made of glass and I didn't want that" her eyes lowered to her hands as she curled them around the warm cup.

He looked down and he didn't talk for a while, he placed his cup down and walked over to her slowly, his arms extended to her, he placed his hands on her little shoulders and he stood there with his hands on her shoulders in silence

"You know I still own you one last adventure" he laughed quietly removing his hands from her shoulders.

She smiled and stun around in her chair throwing herself on him and hugging him tightly, his arms curled around her and he rested his head on her shoulder.

"Well grab your tea and let's go!" he let go of Clara and began walking to the door.

Clara's face lit up, she grabbed her tea and followed him, she reached out for his hand once she grabbed it he stopped and turned around looking at her, he squeezed her hand firmly, she pulled his hand closer to her and stepped on her tippy toes as she leaned in for a kiss, he freed his hand and wrapped it around her waist pulling her closer in. Clara's cup slipped out of her grip and shattered as it fell on the cold ground, they both jumped up and looked at the broken cup then at each other, they both smirked and the Doctor grabbed Clara's hand and they walked out the door ignoring the shattered cup.

They ran to the TARDIS almost tripping over their own feet. The TARDIS was in the middle of an empty grass field, the Doctor let go of Clara s hand and walked toward the doors of his ship, he opened them and turned around looking at Clara with his arms wide open. She smiled wide and ran inside the TARDIS and he followed behind.

"Where to Clara Oswald?" he said as he followed her into the TARDIS.

She ran around the console room with her head up and her arms stretched out then she stopped and placed her hand on a leaver

"Surprise me Doctor" she said smiling. He walked over to her and pulled the leaver her hand was on then began pressing buttons and pulling more leavers. He looked over to Clara

"I know exactly where to go"


	6. in one day

Chapter 6

Minutes, hours, days were spent in the TARDIS, running from one planet to another, each day something new, something fantastic. But the Doctor saved the best from last. He wanted Clara to remember their last day together.

Clara dragged her feet across the TARDIS halls moving from room to room, peeking around the corners. Her brown eyes examined every edge of the TARDIS. Her cardigan fell to her shoulder and she held the front of it as she entered the kitchen. Yawning she stretched her arms up to the ceiling, reaching for the fridge door she heard a familiar screechy noise.

"Hello Clara" a voice behind her said calmly and slowly

Without turning around Clara opened the fridge and grabbed a gallon of milk, the fridge closed softly and she walked over to the cabinet, grabbing a glass she glanced over to the voice and her eyes widened.

"Who are you?" Clara slammed the gas on the counter and stared at the lady in the black suit which stood at the doorway, white light surrounded her and she gave half a smile as a response to Clara's question. She glared around the room then at Clara, she looked disgusted and her eyes… oh her eyes... were full of such hate that you had to look away.

"Fine, I'll just ask the Doctor" Clara smirked and twisted the cap off the milk, filling her gas she set the milk down and picked up her gas instead, she leaned on the counter staring at the woman.

"Doctor?!" she finally called out still staring at woman in the doorway, then she noticed her face, the face that was prideful just a second ago was now covered by a mask of fear and anger. The woman's upper lip twitched and she narrowed her eyes.

"Madame Kovarian" She tilted her head up and crossed her arms over her chest "And you're" she paused "almost ready" She shifted her head and looked down at her watch "80%... 81%... 82%" She spoke as if she was downloading something "89%" she glanced up at Clara's worried face "90%" she said proudly and focused her attention back to Clara "Oh Clara, in a day none of this will matter" She stepped toward Clara and placed her rough hand on Clara's cold pale cheek. Clara jerked back, her arm knocked over the gallon of milk, crashing on to the floor a pool of white liquid spread on the tiles creating a pudding behind her. Clara spun around and looked at the puddle of milk then turned around to face Madame Kovarian once again

"Hey-"she stopped herself from saying anything else once she realized that she was alone, she sat down on the floor thinking about what Madam Kovarian told her, she put her cup down and let it sit on the floor, she pulled her loose cardigan back over one of her shoulders and hugged her knees tightly, her eyes pricked with tears at the words she said been exposed to_, in a day,_ she repeated in her mind,_ in a day_. Soft tears rolled down her pale face. _One day_.

The Doctor was in his room, he cleaned up the mess he made and decided to rearrange it, his feet slipped onto the floor and he stood up stretching his arms and back. Putting on his regular clothes he stopped looking around the room, finally noticing that something indeed was missing… yes, Clara, Clara must have woken up before him, he closed his eyes and planted his face into the palms of his hands as he sat on the edge of the unmade bed. His head rose as he heard Clara calling him. Forcing himself up, he walked quickly in search of Clara. He walked into the kitchen, Clara sat on the cool ground her face was buried in her knees and she cried softly not realizing that he came in. White liquid made its way under the fridge, but he focused on Clara.

He walked slowly and quietly over to her and crouched down "Hey, hey it's okay…" he wrapped his arms around her and held her. He's legs stretched out and he placed her weightless body on his lap, her head dug into her chest as she cried, her short hair tickled his face and he held her tighter

"_Shhhh._ It's okay…. I'm here Clara, I'm right here" he whispered. He kissed the top of her head, a soft gentle kiss that made her tears stop for a moment.

Clara cried herself to sleep in his arms; even though she woke up a few hours ago she got tried quickly. He held her close to him as he made his way to the bedroom; her hair fell and brushed along his arm. She mumbled something and he leaned in to hear her. _Madame Kovarian._ His muscles tightened at that name.

He placed her on the bed and pulled a cover over her, she smiled in her sleep but her smile faded. Kissing her forehead he smiled and sat beside her feet.

"_Madame Kovarian" _He mumbled under his breath


	7. Alone again

Chapter 7

_Cold_. Too cold. Chills climbed up Clara's back as she lied with her eyes closed. Her body tightened, her head ached and her throat was dry. She finally opened her eyes.

She was in a room, a small unfamiliar room. Dark. Cold._ Alone_. Pulling a cover over her she sat up in the small bed in which she lied.

"Doctor?" her voice faded in the silent dark room. She clenched the covers over her chin

"Hello?" she rubbed her throat, her voice was gone and it hurt to talk

"Doctor?" she ignored the pain in her throat and she slipped out of bed, covering herself with the thin covers

"Anyone?" her bare feet slid out of the room and into a long hallway, the walls were stone and there were no windows only a small opening on the ends of the hallway, gentle light beamed through the small openings and Clara made her way to the beaming light. More doors, on each side of the hallways, two across from each other, but these doors were locked; she squinted and guided her fingers along the weird markings on one door next to the end of the hallway. _MP._

"What's MP?" She whispered to herself

"Hello? Is anyone in here?" Her voice fell into a whisper as she nudged the door handle

"They let her go" a quiet, soft voice called out from behind her

"Who let who go?"

"They let Melody go a long time ago" the man's voice was soft but clear

"They?"

"Go back to your room before they catch you" the voice faded

"Wait..." she whispered back but there was no reply "What do they want?" she tried another question praying for a respond

"They want to end a war" the soft voice spoke up, louder this time

"Against whom?" she folded her arms

"The Doctor" the voice stated, no longer soft or kind but as if those words themselves were disgusting.

Her heart pounded fast, and she tripped over her shaky legs as she tried to walk back

_Clara! Another voice _

She covered her ear with her palms. Too loud, too loud. The voice was in her head and it was too loud.

_Clara!_

Her body began shaking and she screamed, she hit her ears, trying to make the loud voice go away…. Everything went black.

The Doctor spent hours thinking of reasons why Clara said Madame Kovarian. Running from room to room in the TARDIS he found an answer.

"Oh…" he rubbed his thumbs over his clenched fists.

"But… how" he spoke to himself, his thin eyebrows rose as he made his way to Clara, who was still asleep. He sat on the bed next to her and stared at her for a minute

"Clara" he tapped her shoulder. She frowned in her sleep and grabbed the covers that fell to her side.

Her body shook a bit as he tapped her again

"Clara" he said impatiently, she covered her ears.

Her eyes opened widely and narrowed back as they adjusted to the light. Pulling herself up she looked around the room then to the Doctor

"Are you real?" her cold hands touched his cheek and she flinched when she touched him, removing her hand she stared at him, her eyes watered

"Clara of course I'm real" he smiled then noticed her confused expression "What's wrong?"

"Who's Madame Kovarian?" she replied

"She's…" he paused trying to think "She's a cruel, manipulative person and she did horrible things" he looked away from her and a million different memories raced through his mind

"Why did you say her name?" He glanced up at her/

"She said that none of this would matter in one day" Clara stroked her arm with her hand. He thought for a moment

"It's nothing Clara. Trust me... After all I'm The Doctor" He rose up, smiled at her and slowly made his way out the door not looking back at her.

She was alone. _again._


End file.
